mrbojumbles

Golf Gods

Post by: Willis

// July 20th, 2009 // Quirky

Good news for all you cool cats, there are still people in the mrbojumbles family you have yet to meet. So without any more faffing about let me introduce Tom Willis. Murmurs unofficially confirm this man to own the best white man afro you are likely to see in your lifetime. His view off the golf course is backwards at all times for the fact he is the only lefty in the team. Not only do we love his cack-handedness, Trademe fiending, My-Sky love affair and Colin Montgomerie crush*… He’s a ruddy good cronie and a top chap to chew the fat about anything golf. I felt it would be fitting for you to be introduced to Willis through a platform we all take great inspiration from – Seinfeld. More on Willis in the bios section to be published shortly.

*Ahead of the 2009 Open Championship at Turnberry Willis declared:

“If Monty wins I’ll renege on my promise to name my first born son ‘Chiv Willis’ in favor of the less ethnically diverse ‘Montgomerie Willis’. Let’s face it, there’s a pretty nice ring to the both of them.”

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Fools rush in where Angels dare to tread. Remember these words next time you consider breaking the rules of our sacred and historic game. To the best of my recollection I have never cheated at golf, but I can’t say I haven’t thought about it. The temptation to move the ball out a divot to a cleaner lie or kick it out from behind a tree to make a clear line to the green is always quashed by an ever present fear of a negative karmic response.

Yes indeed, this temptation is ever present on the golf course but we must never forget that the Golf Gods are always watching. A clean swing requires a clean conscience and those who can’t clear their throat and look their playing partner in the eye are booking a ticket on the bogey train. Those who temp fate are asking for a buried lie in a bunker or a horrid kick into a hazard. The ‘rub of the green’ takes years to earn and second to lose and no sane man should be willing to dance with the devil.

Just ask David Duval. Between 1997 and 2001 Duval rose to become the best golfer on the planet, winning 13 tournaments worldwide including the 2001 Open Championship and gaining the prize title of ‘World Number One’. That victory sparked a monumental fall from grace for Duval which eventually saw him stand on the first tee at the 2009 US Open ranked a woeful 862nd in the World. I’m not certain what David did in the weeks after that Open Championship, those who know say they could never speak of it, but what I’ve heard isn’t pretty, and the consequences are plain for all to see. Moral of the story? Honesty is the best medicine.

Here’s what mrbojumbles mentor and life coach Kosmo Kramer has to say on the rules of golf…